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My solution to being broke. Feed the kitty yfrog.com/gyv0iepj
Upon realizing I'm broke, I upgraded to an iPhone. Why eat when you can read nyt on a park bench. #priorities
End of the world you say? Hopefully that will open up some jobs
Can I work for free? Sure as soon as you figure out how I can live for free #livefreediehard
Skills I tell employers: organized, efficient, detailed-orientated. Skills I actually possess: reciting #imdb trivia & stacking cherrios
How do I know its Friday the 13th? I woke up with the Teddy Bear Picnic song in my head.
Simon and garfunkel is my anti-anxiety medication. And gin. Definitely gin.
Knowing kid rock has a job is really salt in the unemployed wound
I advocate we only use the hashtags for puns so I can stop seeing #iluvmylife and #omg and start seeing #puntingdumbpeople
Excepting charity donations to get that overcapacity whale some slimfast or swimming lessons. Stop freeloading big blue. #whalewars
Shirts with tags that say "hand washed" are code for, "I will never wash you" #febreeze
The dancing icon on Google has almost converted me to Bing. Away with you dancing fiend! Let me google jobs in peace!
Radiohead always makes me realize there is someone out there worst than me. It works better than those infomercials that urge you to donate.
Breaking news:The season of Spring has been laid off, in a press conference God said, "Due to budget cuts we'll make due with 3 seasons"
Do employers judge ppl who use the duckface in their fb profile picture? To me duckface=un-hireable. Straighten those lips sista! #sadduck
40 percent of college grads end up settling for jobs that don't require a degree | MLive.com mlive.com/jobs/index.ssf…
If someone was given a job to direct Final Destination 5, then theres hope I can get a job running an overdone franchise into the ground
I want to be a professional cat petter. Slogan "Let me give your felines the love you don't have time for." Aka I prostitute for cats.
I remember everything I should be thankful for the second after I bite my tongue.
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