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So allegedly my account was hacked and somebody has been retweeting the shit out of it. Yikes.
"Daddy, I'm going to bed. We can talk about this more in the morning...I'm off tomorrow." Great quotes from a 4 year old.
Most of you are tweeting about being drunk on your sizzurp... I'm going to work now. Sober. And yes, you're having a better time than me.
Now that we've apprehended the white Russian, I'm looking for one myself.
I can't imagine being the hospital worker that has to work on this guy...he's alive but badly injured.
RT @SexFactsOfLife: Male kangaroos give themselves blow jobs. #lucky
Let's be honest...most of us learned about the birds and the bees from a scrambled Spice channel
There are electrodes on my shoulder and its quite a shocking revelation. No really, I'm at physical therapy.
Make the chorus of your song about how much you love cocaine and I'm down with whatever else you do.
I'm at the dentist, about to get drilled. Wait...I mean...oh boy that sounds gay.
I have no idea why but I have an issue with any professional athlete that wears number 1.
Only one more week till #deadliestcatch season 9...yay for nerds like me
Sidney Crosby has been out for 10 days. He still leads the NHL in scoring by seven points.
Pulled down the tailgate seats in the Routan and were just hanging out while the kids play in this great weather. What a boring tweet.
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