Kate Urquhart
@KateComic
I'll get you some stand up comedy as soon as I stand up from this couch.
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Seriously considering duct taping oven mitts to my hands. Or taking a Benadryl. One of these things.
I won't ask my Jewish friends what's open today; I will not ask my Jewish friends what is open today. #FightingRacism
Pretty sure I'm on a couple of lists now. #notparanoid #justpopularatChristmas
Trying to start the "Will we let you immigrate to Canada?" online quiz, got this instead:
Hey you waving your country's flag at music festivals, Unless it's "My country is full of assholes," you're sending the wrong message.
Yesterday, I used @mariabamfoo 's comeback: Nurse: You're a comic? Tell me a joke. Me: That's not how it works. Royalties owed?
Madison Square Garden is going to smell like Bengay for a long time.
I threw up my anti-nausea meds this morning, because I'm an overachiever.
Demand 1: 24 hour breakfast taco restaurant in the Twin Cities metro area. Demand 2: Pugs get their noses back.
Throwing up makes me want to throw down. Come at me, nausea! #FalseBravado
The only people vegans are better than are the people who bitch about how vegans think they're better than other people.
If you're going to bore me to death with your political views, could you at least have them make sense?
This Black Friday I'm saving time by staying at home and trampling myself. #RecyclingMyHolidayTweets
I might, maybe possibly be somewhere sometime soon... tmblr.co/ZTLggvXcGaKJ
Christmas trees are a good way to say, "I like things that are pretty and smell good to die slowly for my amusement."
Sometimes I do go down to where they work and knock the dick out of their mouth.
Hostility is the primary symptom of lack of breakfast tacos, motherfucker.
United States Trends
- 1. Giannis N/A
- 2. #SmackDown N/A
- 3. Sinner N/A
- 4. Adam 22 N/A
- 5. Bucks N/A
- 6. Trans N/A
- 7. #DragRace N/A
- 8. #OPLive N/A
- 9. Jason Luv N/A
- 10. Pacers N/A
- 11. Spizzirri N/A
- 12. Kuzma N/A
- 13. Dabo N/A
- 14. Aaron Gordon N/A
- 15. Antarctica N/A
- 16. Attitude Era N/A
- 17. Doc Rivers N/A
- 18. #ZuffaBoxing01 N/A
- 19. Callum Walsh N/A
- 20. Sami N/A
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