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*Dad busts in kid's room *throws Wolverine claws on bed "What is this? Who taught u to do this?" Hugh ALRIGHT! I learned it by watching Hugh
"let's think inside the box, deputy" *two cops climb in a cardboard box* "um, sir why are you hugging me OKAY LET'S THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX"
Any teens wanna do illicit activities this weekend? I love *pushes glasses up nose, adjusts notecards* many drugs. I love a drug and f bombs
BREAKING: scientists admit they still have no idea what technology is used to produce curly fries. "how the fuck" said one source
Bet I’m not the only person who’s returned a box of tissues for not opening properly along the perforation but they sure acted like I was.
My Ouija board is a carved wooden one not just cardboard, it still doesn't work but I like to think the spirits appreciate the extra effort.
POTATOES wrapped in tin-foil and kept in a cupboard become a welcome consolation if your house burns down. (via @wulfruna)
If this gets more than 10,000 RTs I will invade Norway and declare myself king.
Pick a card, any card. Don't show it to me. Is it the Knife of Simons? It is? Thought so. That's magic.
PRETEND you play for Stoke by kicking everyone you meet in the shins. (via @jim_magrim)
I'm concerned all these bible quotes and sermons are going to distract children from the real meaning of Santa Claus.
An elderly customer just asked me what my email number was.
Whoever saw the first helium balloon was prob all like whaaaaaaaaat
My car is as powerful as 200 houses. My computer is as powerful as one thousand abacus' (the hell is the plural of abacus?)
Why do we still measure cars in terms of horses? I have no idea how fast or powerful 200 horses are.
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