Mizz Tangles
@MizzTangles
I once had a one stand with a Tom Selleck poster.
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I just cut my own bangs and now I have to shave my whole head.
This is what happens when you don't have a dog in the White House.
I think crow’s feet are beautiful because they are evidence of laughter.
I am the boss of this house and I will get out from under the table when I am ready.
Facebook needs an "I've already seen this on Twitter" button.
Someone just called my jokes first world problems. Well yeah, third world problems tend not to be that funny Karen.
For my next trick, I'll be at a bar then magically reappear face down on my bedroom floor without a clue how I got there.
Playdough doesn't taste as good as I remember.
Him: I love a woman in a thong. Me: *spends entire weekend cutting the cheeks out of my granny panties.
Take me now! I scream as my husband drives us to Dairy Queen.
Of all the drugs, dopamine gives you the worst hangover.
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