Dawn Pitchers
@NyaaSeeNyaa
those are MY politics too! this is freaky.
the birthmark on my ass looks like the left half of homer Simpson's face. My list of "must haves" in a date is as short as it is unattainable
Those who turn down the TV when I order food receive the most jewels in their crowns in heaven
i love women and maybe could be a bisexual but only the reverence and gratitude of a truly lonely and disempowered man can genuinely get me off
you think you're talking to a real man and then he whips out some pretentious effeminate French words "Ooh look at me I'm in the Marine corps"
you're a streetwise private detective but it's 2025 and it's not raining and your office is in a strip mall in a city of 40,000 people
your stepmom is nice but why does she know everything about every serial killer
chewing up a couple of my heart pills and washing them down with my flask of whiskey and immediately throwing up and getting a Capri sun
The mona lisa was nice but imagine if they remade it with a camera for modern audiences. and they should make the original impossible to find.
A classic symptom of ADHD is when coffee affects you or doesn't affect you. This is so me!
I swear my dog has figured out that when he smells vodka on my breath all of the rules are out the window. He connected the dots and realized a certain odor was in the air every time he was allowed to sleep on the couch or had an entire sandwich prepared for him.
girls don't play mediocre video games. They play cerebral genre-defining masterpieces that change how you look at the whole medium, and the most inane kindergarten key jinglers that you wouldn't admit you enjoyed if a vietnamese prison guard had pliers on your nipples
I already celebrated the end of lawn mowing season, what's this peach fuzz shit
I got a horror movie for you fellas to try out: Commitment! lemme know if you liked that one because it got a very hostile response onstage
Sticking up for myself from now on. I'm done letting myself be interru
Honestly he was caught between a rock and a hard place. What was he gonna do divorce her?
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