Postman Pat

@PostmanPat__

Greendale's finest Postman ! 🍺🍺🍺 parody . . . obviously 🙁 #PissedUpPat #PatStats

Greendale

Joined April 2017

4KPosts 5KFollowers 398Following

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Postman Pat reposted

Postman Pat

@PostmanPat__

Feb 8, 2018

Reverend Timms phoned Doctor Gilbertson to ask if they are offering free incontinence pants to the over 65's in his area ? She asked "where are you ringing from ?" Reverend Timms said "from the waist down"

PostmanPat__'s tweet image. Reverend Timms phoned Doctor Gilbertson to ask if they are offering free incontinence pants to the over 65's in his area ?

She asked "where are you ringing from ?"

Reverend Timms said "from the waist down"

Postman Pat

@PostmanPat__

Sep 17

I spent this afternoon helping Ted Glen to renovate Dorothy Thompsons bathroom . . "Time For A Pint Ted" #TedsBodgeJob #LeaveItWithMe

PostmanPat__'s tweet image. I spent this afternoon helping Ted Glen to renovate Dorothy Thompsons bathroom . .

"Time For A Pint Ted"

#TedsBodgeJob
#LeaveItWithMe

Postman Pat reposted

Postman Pat

@PostmanPat__

Feb 3, 2022

I said to the wife - "I was chatting with Ted Glen in the pub last night, and he said that he has shagged every woman on our street except one" She said - "oh . . . I bet it's that stuck-up cow at number 12" 😳

PostmanPat__'s tweet image. I said to the wife -

"I was chatting with Ted Glen in the pub last night, and he said that he has shagged every woman on our street except one"

She said -

"oh . . . I bet it's that stuck-up cow at number 12"

😳

Postman Pat reposted

Postman Pat

@PostmanPat__

Dec 2

This morning I phoned Doctor Gilbertson - I said . . . "Hello Doctor , I think i have an ear infection , and am going deaf" She asked - "can you describe the symptoms ?" I said - "yes Homer is a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"

PostmanPat__'s tweet image. This morning I phoned Doctor Gilbertson - I said . . .

"Hello Doctor , I think i have an ear infection , and am going deaf"

She asked - "can you describe the symptoms ?"

I said - "yes Homer is a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"

Postman Pat

@PostmanPat__

Jun 15

🥹 that's my boy 🍻

Julian clifton

@JulianClif92118

Jun 15

"Happy Father’s Day to my dad, Postman Pat! 🥳Thanks for delivering all the love, and occasionally, my lunch money! 📦😄 Love you more than you love the pub ! 🍻 #FathersDay"

JulianClif92118's tweet image. "Happy Father’s Day to my dad, Postman Pat! 🥳Thanks for delivering all the love, and occasionally, my lunch money! 📦😄 Love you more than you love the pub ! 🍻 #FathersDay"

Postman Pat

@PostmanPat__

Jun 8

"one more parcel to deliver Jess , it says after 12 o'clock on the instructions . . . Sod that , the pub will be open . We will just leave it on Miss Hubbard's Door-step" #PissedUpPat

PostmanPat__'s tweet image. "one more parcel to deliver Jess , it says after 12 o'clock on the instructions . . . Sod that , the pub will be open . We will just leave it on Miss Hubbard's Door-step"

#PissedUpPat

Postman Pat reposted

Postman Pat

@PostmanPat__

Apr 19, 2024

"Hello Greendale Primary school ? . . . . My four year old son has been attending Spanish lessons at your after-school club for the last eight weeks and all he can say in Spanish is the word 'Please' . . . . . . . . That's poor for Four isn't it ?"

PostmanPat__'s tweet image. "Hello Greendale Primary school ? . . . . My four year old son has been attending Spanish lessons at your after-school club for the last eight weeks and all he can say in Spanish is the word 'Please' . . . . . . . . That's poor for Four isn't it ?"

Postman Pat reposted

Postman Pat

@PostmanPat__

Feb 2, 2018

The Reverand had his bike stolen, I told him to "read out the 10 commandments at Sunday service and when you get to 'though shall not steal' see who looks shifty" . . . He said "I did , but when I got to 'though shall not commit adultery' - I remembered where I left my bike"

PostmanPat__'s tweet image. The Reverand had his bike stolen, I told him to "read out the 10 commandments at Sunday service and when you get to 'though shall not steal' see who looks shifty" . . .

He said "I did , but when I got to 'though shall not commit adultery' - I remembered where I left my bike"

Postman Pat reposted

noob

@evilnoob

Jan 3, 2021

Postman Pat is a bit different these days...

Postman Pat reposted

Postman Pat

@PostmanPat__

Mar 17, 2018

Oh a postcard from Ted from his holiday at a nudist camp - Dear Pat Having a great time, sports day was rather strange as they did the sack race in polythene bags . I was disqualified from the mixed leap-frog for not jumping high enough. Wish you were here Ted.

Postman Pat

@PostmanPat__

May 18

I met Ted this morning and said - "Hello Ted , how did you get on with Doctor Gilbertson yesterday to help you to quit smoking ?" He said - "excellent Pat , She gave me some Nicotine patches . . . I took them home , put one over each eye and I couldn't find my cigarettes"

PostmanPat__'s tweet image. I met Ted this morning and said - "Hello Ted , how did you get on with Doctor Gilbertson yesterday to help you to quit smoking ?"

He said - "excellent Pat , She gave me some Nicotine patches . . . I took them home , put one over each eye and I couldn't find my cigarettes"

Postman Pat reposted

Postman Pat

@PostmanPat__

Jan 26, 2022

" Good Morning Mrs Goggins , is everything OK ? " "No it isn't Pat . . . The Doctor has put me on some sort of steroids and I've started to grow a penis" "Anabolic ?" "No, just a penis Pat"

PostmanPat__'s tweet image. " Good Morning Mrs Goggins , is everything OK ? "

"No it isn't Pat . . . The Doctor has put me on some sort of steroids and I've started to grow a penis"

"Anabolic ?"

"No, just a penis Pat"

Postman Pat reposted

Postman Pat

@PostmanPat__

Aug 22, 2019

Well . . . . That's my recycling bin put out 👍 #PissedUpPat

Postman Pat reposted

Postman Pat

@PostmanPat__

Mar 2, 2024

Mrs Goggins said- "Good morning Pat, you smell very nice" I said - "its my aftershave , its a new one called 'come to me'. " She took another sniff and said - "well, it doesn't smell like cum to me"

PostmanPat__'s tweet image. Mrs Goggins said- "Good morning Pat, you smell very nice"

I said - "its my aftershave , its a new one called 'come to me'. "

She took another sniff and said - "well, it doesn't smell like cum to me"

Postman Pat reposted

Postman Pat

@PostmanPat__

Apr 7, 2024

Yesterday there was a note on Rev Timms door that said 'Pat, if you come to deliver my parcel and I'm not here - please hide in the garden shed' It was four hours before he came home and found me crouched behind his lawnmower.

PostmanPat__'s tweet image. Yesterday there was a note on Rev Timms door that said

'Pat, if you come to deliver my parcel and I'm not here - please hide in the garden shed'

It was four hours before he came home and found me crouched behind his lawnmower.

Postman Pat reposted

Postman Pat

@PostmanPat__

Mar 10, 2021

"Bloody stupid wishing-well !!! . . . . . I did NOT wish for a twelve-inch Pianist"

Postman Pat reposted

Postman Pat

@PostmanPat__

Jan 29, 2022

I saw Reverend Timms, he had found 3 unexploded hand-grenades from WW2 while digging at the Church. He had them in a wheelbarrow and was taking them down to the police Station. I asked - "what if one of them goes off ?" He replied - "I'll tell them that I only found 2"

Postman Pat

@PostmanPat__

Apr 21

#BankHolidayMonday on the piss with Ted Glen and Peter Fogg. 🍻

Postman Pat

@PostmanPat__

Apr 13

The #PatStats from last night are as follows - 1 bottle of wine helping Rev' Timms clean the church organ 3 pints watching Greenadale F.C. 4 Pints at The Green Dragon 4 baby Guinness 3 whisky chasers 50 pounds lost on the Fruit Machine 7 missed calls from the wife