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no, YOU were just caught in the gym showers spinning like Wonder Woman and peeing as hard as you can.
Your password has expired. Your new password must include: -a number -a letter -a recipe for mexican street corn -and lyrics from a dope Dr Dre song
I asked my Gen Z apprentice where their spellbook was, and they unironically showed me that they keep all their spells listed in the notes app on their phone. This new generation of wizards is cooked man.
"One headlight" is: - a song - a problem my car has - and the nickname of a guy who lost a nipple to a dog attack when he was 12.
"Bob is coming over for dinner." Bob from work or Bob the erectile dysfunctional nudist? *there's a soft knock at the front door*
(at a wnba game) Hermione: Harry I think I sat on gum, can u check? Harry: Yeah I got it. "Expelliarmus"
Sometimes I just wanna find a quiet place to fart into a Walmart intercom.
I hate it when I stab my fork in a salad and get nothing. The people who ordered the salad were also pissed.
Captain America: Brave New World (2025) - An angry sunburned man attacks a cosplayer boy and jails his dad.
i feel like the best old timey saying thats never used anymore is "the word and the teet go hand in hand". it should make a comeback.
I'm swimming into a whale's mouth (i have license to krill)
TV: An airline crash today was determined to be faulty repair related. Inspectors report the wings were produced in the 80's and gifted to the repair shop. *Mr Mister breaks into a cold sweat*
I'm a prankster, like when they do a colonoscope and see something that should have been on their desk
Aragorn: "You have my sword." Legolas: "And my bow." Gimli: "And my axe." Mr. Mister: "And these wings."
(getting married) Dad: Here's something old. Mom: Here's something new. Sister: Here's something borrowed. Mr Mister: Here's something broken.
Her: Let's do something fun tonight. Me (broke): Lets take turns pulling out nose hairs. homeless guy: *wakes up screaming & grabbing his face*
For Earth Day I'm going to do what I do every year; have a beer and piss on a tree... you know, to recycle.
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