Santa Graph
@SantaGraph
Spreading metrics to all the good boys and girls.
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SHOW THAT SPECIAL PERSON THAT YOU CARE BY INSTALLING GRAPHITE FOR THEM.
IF YOU'RE NOT SURE WHAT TO GIVE THIS CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE LOVES METRICS.
SANTA WANTS TO TRACK GIFT "DEPLOYMENTS" WITH GRAPHITE BUT IT LACKS TEXT METRICS. OPENTSDB STORAGE IS BETTER BUT ITS API IS HELLA NAUGHTY.
SANTA GRAPH LIKES TO REARRANGE THE LIGHTS ON YOUR CHRISTMAS TREE TO RESEMBLE A CHORD DIAGRAM
REMEMBER HERMEY, THE ELF WHO WANTED TO BE A DENTIST? HE'S TRANSITIONING TO BE A DATA SCIENTIST FOR OUR BIG DATA (NAUGHTY LIST) TEAM.
SANTA APPRECIATES THAT HIS OPS ELVES WANT TO MONITOR PRODUCTION, BUT HE REALLY PREFERS METRICS-DRIVEN MONITORING OVER ACTIVE POLLING.
NO NEED FOR RUDOLPH'S NOSE THIS YEAR. SANTA GRAPH IS APPLYING HOLT-WINTERS CONFIDENCE BANDS TO PREDICT THE BEST ROUTE TO YOUR HOUSE.
LAST YEAR I GRAPHED TOY PRODUCTION ON AN ETCH-A-SKETCH BUT SLIPPED ON SOME ICE AND LOST ALL OF MY METRICS
LITE BRITES ARE GOOD FOR TEACHING GRAPH THEORY BUT IT'S A BITCH TO DO STACKED AREAS
AS YOU MIGHT EXPECT, SANTA USES GRAPHITE'S mostDeviant TO FILTER OUT THE NAUGHTY FROM THE NICE
THE DISTRIBUTION OF NAUGHTY AND NICE CORRELATES STRONGLY WITH THE USE OF CACTI AND GRAPHITE, RESPECTIVELY
JUST REALIZED THAT D3 DOESN'T STAND FOR DASHER, DANCER AND DONNER.
SANTA HAS HEARD OF GRAPH PORN. HE THINKS MRS SANTA GRAPH WOULD APPROVE.
SOME PEOPLE DON'T BELIEVE IN SANTA GRAPH. I BET THEY DON'T BELIEVE IN CAPACITY PLANNING EITHER.
SANTA GRAPH COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE THAT HIS REINDEER FLY IN A SINE PATTERN
SANTA'S ELVES USE STATSD AND GRAPHITE TO HELP THEM CORRELATE TOY PRODUCTION OUTAGES WITH EGG NOG CONSUMPTION
ALWAYS STORE YOUR RAW METRICS. DISK IS CHEAP. ROLLUPS ARE NAUGHTY.
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