Aaron Kirkpatrick
@Smirkpatrick
If you say I’m funny, I will probably listen to the other things you say.
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All of the people that joked me for being pale are now sun damaged and freckle-chested. #longgame
I saw a headline that said cheese makes you live longer. I will not be looking further into the matter, and have already accepted this as a fact. Tell everyone.
Knowledge is knowing that my Dad worked long hours because he wanted to provide. Wisdom is knowing my Dad worked long hours because we were annoying and he’d rather be at work.
There are so many memes about narcissism. Probably one narcissist behind it all.
One of these days, I’m going to learn Microsoft Excel. And then how you gonna stop me?
I’ve been ugly my whole life, but only recently have I learned how brave that was of me.
For my birthday, I went to Cozumel. Which is the name of the Mexican restaurant in Richfield, Ohio. Twenty miles outside of Cleveland.
Imagine reporting back to your Sergeant when all you got from the Informer was (checks notes) “a licky boom-boom down”
My family and I are environmentally conscious. This mean we separate our garbage into the black bin that goes to the landfill, and the blue bin that a different man takes to the landfill.
While waiting her turn to go down the slide, my 3yo yelled “I don’t want any people to control me!” That’s a tough one. How do I break it to her?
“Sometimes, I feel like they don’t even care about my inspiration behind this recipe.” -every food blogger
It’s weird to see an ad for a laxative in a magazine, because if you are reading a magazine, you’re already on the toilet.
Going as a vacuum cleaner is a good Halloween costume for a dog.
Some people say Weed Whacker, some say Weed Eater, or String Trimmer. Whatever you call it, I don’t have a yard.
United States Trends
- 1. #UFC325 N/A
- 2. #AEWCollision N/A
- 3. Doug Shows N/A
- 4. Tuivasa N/A
- 5. #RoyalRumble N/A
- 6. Arkansas N/A
- 7. Teixeira N/A
- 8. Ciampa N/A
- 9. Shu Shu N/A
- 10. Kentucky N/A
- 11. Roman N/A
- 12. Jarrell Miller N/A
- 13. Quillan Salkilld N/A
- 14. #Svengoolie N/A
- 15. #LopezStevenson N/A
- 16. Zion N/A
- 17. Arraez N/A
- 18. Gunther N/A
- 19. Finney N/A
- 20. Brock N/A
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