Mattie
@Some_Number
Contributor to @TheOnion @McSweeneys @reductress and the general decline of American discourse.
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LinkedIn in the streets, literally anything else, please god, in the sheets.
If you want to know how bad things have gotten as recent as 1948 if you tried to commit suicide the heavens would send down an angel to show you how bad life would be without you
Victorian children drank coke with actual cocaine in it
Finally making the switch. If anyone likes my biannual tweets feel free to follow me at mwprags.bsky.social
I, on the other hand, think she still looks great!
Shocking images reveal Titanic is disintegrating on the ocean floor
Celebrating the 4th the traditional way (blasting the OST of American Sniper to the rest of the cul-de-sac)
Our statement on the new ownership of The Onion:
CHICAGO and ST. PETERSBURG, RUSSIA, April 25, 2024 International megacorporation Global Tetrahedron announced today it has successfully acquired all of the assets to America’s Finest News Source™, The Onion, Inc.™, in a vicious but fair hostile takeover. Global Tetrahedron…
More to come, but we're thrilled to announce that we've reached a tentative agreement. We're proud to bring this to our unit for ratification.
109 Details About ‘Grand Theft Auto VI’ We’re Throwing Out Because You Never Know We Might Be Right bit.ly/47ZgXRA
White House Holds Smaller Veterans Day Ceremony To Honor Soldiers Who Mostly Killed Kids bit.ly/40B2xo4
People can change!
Greta Thunberg Embraces Big Oil After Visiting Really Nice Highway Truck Stop bit.ly/45oATvi
Spending Friday night watching a 40 minute YouTube of a professional clown critiquing movie clowns
Respect to Chevy Chase. Not many comedians can say they’ve burned bridges in five different decades.
I like when someone asks me if I’m someone else and instead of just saying no I have to double check mentally what my name is to be sure
I went down the cop slide and exited out in a restaurant’s kitchen in stuttgart 😞
Fascinated by the Ron DeSantis campaign which dares ask, “what if George Wallace had the charisma of a misshapen rock?”
Has anyone tried to do a Barbie Oppenheimer mapping to Hogworts Houses joke yet? Feel like that would be big hit with stupid people
It is time. The remaking is upon us.
I actually didn’t mind the ‘cameos’ in the flash except when they had Anne Frank tell flash, “I might be a hero, but you’re a super hero.” That seemed a bit much
United States Trends
- 1. Insurrection Act N/A
- 2. #BTS_ARIRANG N/A
- 3. #PMSSEATGEEKPUNCHAHT N/A
- 4. HARRY STYLES N/A
- 5. Kuminga N/A
- 6. KISS ALL THE TIME N/A
- 7. Lara Croft N/A
- 8. Arrest Tim Walz N/A
- 9. Giants N/A
- 10. InfoFi N/A
- 11. #thursdayvibes N/A
- 12. Apple Music N/A
- 13. Mahmoud Khalil N/A
- 14. The Great Healthcare Plan N/A
- 15. Clayton Kershaw N/A
- 16. BTS IS COMING N/A
- 17. #BuschColdAndSmoothSweeps N/A
- 18. Tomb Raider N/A
- 19. #NationalHatDay N/A
- 20. Good Thursday N/A
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