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Whenever I accidentally hurt my pet, I'm like "OH MY GOD! OH IM SO SORRY!" and they run away. I run after them like "LET ME LOOVE YOUU!"
Hey can I have a sip? "Sure" *GLUG GLUG GLUG* "Dude... WTF."
Bitches be like "Happy one day anniversary baby I LOVE YOU".
You break it, you buy it.'Hell no. I break it, slowly leave it there & awkwardly walk away..
Admit it, we've all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
What do women want? The opposite of whatever the f*ck they have.
"I wasn't that drunk." Dude you made your girlfriend a sandwich.
#ThatMiniHeartAttackWhen You Miss a step walking down stairs.
Teacher: "Why didn't you complete your homework?" Student: "Oh Sorry, Kanye West didn't let me finish."
#IWantTobe your favorite "hello" and your hardest "goodbye"..
School doesn't even test your intelligence, it tests your memory.
'This video is not available in your country' where the hell am I from? Narnia?!
I feel really bad for those who aren't dating me..
Someone follows you on Twitter: hell yeah! Someone follows you in real life: Scream for help!!
This is the police open up! "What's the password!?" "Open Sesame" "Shit.
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