Nick Toplass
@TitaniumToplass
I fell 5 stories once. Residual effects? Just cynicism, sarcastic tendencies, a delusional superiority complex, & an abnormal fear of balconies. Nothing major
Was dir gefallen könnte
I took a 6 year long break from using Twitter but I think I'm finally ready to come back. What'd I miss?
There's only two people I've ever fully trusted in my life and both of them were Tom Hanks
Back in my day we had to walk 30 miles each way to school & "walk" meant fight & "miles" were bears & "school" was just a fire we stood in
It's my cat, Mowgli's, birthday but he doesn't seem to be celebrating for some reason
Life is great. Not my life, but other life.
Sorry I yelled "SPOILER ALERT!" when you told us grandma had six months to live :(
Scientists announced today that I am their friend and they like me
Built a birdhouse but I live in a prime location & a young professional was willing to pay rent to wear it as a shelter-helmet. Sorry birds
1st time watching baseball: guys were playing Hot Potato when a mean guy just hit it with a stick & ran off. Everyone was like "our potato!"
Mathematicians at MIT decided that no number exists for how many times I've dropped my phone on my own face. "It's just so many" cried one.
Business ideas: • Cold Air Balloon Rides. • Hats for Deaf People. • Pro-Dandruff Shampoo. • Babysitting but for Sharks. • Rock Rentals.
*bursts into starbucks* Me: DO YOU GUYS HAVE A POWER OUTLET Barista: yeah over there Me: oh thank god *plugs in a mechanical bull*
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was that time he put Skittles in M&Ms bags & giggled uncontrollably as people were mildly shocked
Well gosh darn, I ain't had me a trophy for ages. Thanks @ClichedOut for the cup & kind words!
My parrot died today. Its last words were, "Fuck, I think my parrot is about to die."
Me: Do you ever stick balloons over your hands because it's fun? Her: No? Me: YA! Oh. Me not too *keeps hands in pockets for rest of date*
One time I went to toss a Frisbee but my watch got caught on my belt during the wind up & I ended up throwing myself across a field
If a shark is ever attacking me I'm gonna be like where are your parents do they know you act like this
How to make scrambled eggs: 1) Get eggs. 2) Scramble eggs. 3) Watch your back, chicken families are vengeful. 4) Add some cheese maybe?
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