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@TwoFingerBang

Unconfirmed reports @realDonaldTrump has same skin conditions as Michael Jackson. Orange is the new black. #OrangeIsTheNewBlack


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MERGERS ETERNAL REGATTA GRAVITY ENTITLE RATTLER SLAYERS


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HEART EMBER ABUSE RESIN TREND


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Who decided to call it "joining a group of metric system enthusiasts" and not "getting with the pro-gram"?


Friday is here and a martini is calling to me!


@luxvideowall Anoup is ready for Carrot top and a kiss on the mouth.


You know there are 50,000 battered women in Canada. I eat mine plain.


My girlfriend wanted to roll play in bed. I wore a helmet and pretended to be retarded. She didnt like it but fucked me anyway!


@BriannaReinson I seriously doubt that. I think you are pulling our legs! $$removed pun$$


I just cooked a package of bacon as the first step to making chocolate covered bacon. I can't wait!!!!


Soon I will go from the world of a independent contractor to an employee. I feel like this transition won't be easy. :-(


Why do women wait until you aren't available to tell you that they have always wanted to sleep with you?


I have a new enemy. All because she never shows up on time. Imagine how much I hate you!


@BriannaReinson I am like the average guy and likes to be forced into gang sex with a group of lesbian ghosts but sm times I want a choice.


@BriannaReinson either a snuggle or simply ask my permission before violating. Either would do.


The iPhone tweeter app removes words to make my tweets fit. F U!


@BriannaReinson happened to me once. My rear was sore for two days and not sleep over or a kiss before left. I felt dirty!


I found a fart sound board today that is giving me hours of endless entertainment. fart-sounds.net/fart_sound_boa…


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