Jaunito
@beardedzilla
Lover of boobs, weed, bacon, donuts, tequila and beer with a side of crazy! Self proclaimed Gorilla.
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Girls be like I'm sexy and I know it. No, hoe. You're slutty and you blow it.
[sees a Catholic monk in brown robes] 4-year-old: Dad, is he a Jedi?
Now for a moment of sincerity. Out of all the people I know, you guys aren't among them. And that's really what I love about you.
Me: What's for dinner? Wife...it's 9am. Me *leans in* I didn't ask you for the fucken time.
down in the valley with whiskey rivers is where i'll be waiting for you.
I haven't even purchased a Mother's Day gift yet and my mother already hates what I'm getting her.
Twitter owes its success to world-wide sleep deprivation.
If i had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive; they would eventually find me attractive.
My wife bet me a dollar I couldn't handle doing the laundry on my own. Long story short, the washing machine is on fire.
I have the same look on my face if you're asking if I want extra cheese, or pointing a gun at me. It's probably pretty annoying.
I'm not alone. My demons are still here and my enemies are stopping by later.
Sorry I used your selfie stick to pick up dog poop.
Next time I find myself between two sexy women we better all be fuckin naked.
United States Trends
- 1. Custom N/A
- 2. Corey N/A
- 3. Ford N/A
- 4. BLACKPINK N/A
- 5. Anton N/A
- 6. Washington Post N/A
- 7. Good Wednesday N/A
- 8. #ODEAI N/A
- 9. Rolling Loud N/A
- 10. Rickey N/A
- 11. Hump Day N/A
- 12. #wednesdaymotivation N/A
- 13. #signal N/A
- 14. #EP_No N/A
- 15. Hannah Natanson N/A
- 16. The ARC N/A
- 17. TJ Sabula N/A
- 18. Defund NED N/A
- 19. #LA28 N/A
- 20. Boosie N/A
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