Future Dan Howell
@daninthefuture
former internet cult leader, now busy being happy. my kids laugh at how awkward i am.
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taxes and back pain amirite oh yeah look at me still being relatable after all these years
for once i'm v grateful that phil is a heavy sleeper bc we're making such a racket downstairs preparing something 🎂
sometimes it's nice to just stop and take a moment to appreciate that the kids are screaming the dogs are barking phil's probably losing his hearing because the television is definitely is too loud and all in all you're having a really good day
there's 3 giant pumpkins sitting on the kitchen countertop. ok
and one tiny one bc apparently this flora addiction is a family trait and our daughter demanded her own
i came home and there are three giant houseplants in the living room we already have a beautiful garden in the back phil why
the many places i've changed my child's diapers: a plea for men's room to have changing stations it's 2027 pls help
the kids are at home, the dads work from home, phil and kids (and dogs) want pancakes again, im not a poet
i'm tweeting this at three am because he's asleep and silence is acquiescence i learned that in law school i think or maybe wikipedia idk
about once a month i remind phil how close he is to being contractually obligated to changing our son's middle name to kanye
i know there's a word missing from that tweet just be glad there's only one i'm tweeting through my pain
there 409 escalators in the london subway system and now a second one contains genuine dan dna (ow ow ow my fucking arm)
working from home is the best.. until u forget ur lunch in the oven, spill starbucks onto the new carpet and forget to let in the dogs
the true meaning of father's day when there are two dads in the family is trying to prove you got the better gift. suck it phil i win
basically what i'm saying is 36 is looking pretty good so far (besides the inevitable decay of my body and mind but details i guess idk)
then we foisted the kids off on uncle m and auntie c for the night. ordered pizza made cocktails and played mario kart until time for...bed
kids threw me a surprise tea party with mud cakes, crisps they saved from lunch yesterday, and their own toys as presents. best party tbh.
protip: feed your fish at a consistent time or you will jerk yourself awake at 1 am thinking about them
she sends them to me and the kids now too and we're all running out of places to store novelty socks it's a real problem
It doesn't matter how old I am, my mum still sends me surprise packages of biscuits and socks at least once a year 😋🍪🎁
the best part of date night is that we don't have to share the popcorn or the pick 'n' mix with the kids
i told him to clean up his socks and instead he's tweeting squirrel facts this is what i have to deal with
Just learned squirrels plant thousands of trees by hiding acorns and then forgetting them! If socks were seeds, our house would be a forest.
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dodie clark is bae ;]](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/1105170490467987457/y9WZSamO.jpg)
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