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Did a search on New Year 2025 and accidentally typed Ew Year 2025, and honestly, that seems more appropriate.
Me: Buys fun sweaters for Halloween season. Chicago, 84°: Hey girl, you wanna go to the beach?
I'm no longer at the age where I have dangerous curves. It's more like roundabouts, rumble strips and speed bumps now.
When you're trying to get the attention of your dog, named Beef, and his favorite thing is chicken, and you're standing outside yelling Beef...Beef, chicken, chicken, chicken, like some kind of meat auctioneer, it's at that moment you realize your mistake. #itsafamilyname #iykyk
If the hair on my head grew as fast as my surprise old lady hairs, I would be Rapunzel.
I'm at my most blonde when I get out of the shower and I'm startled by my own tattoo. #itwasntaspider
Who needs lip filler when your dog can headbutt your mouth for free?
Today, I was startled awake by my own stomach noises, so that's cool because now I don't need an alarm clock.
Clock tease: When your satellite clock hasn't adjusted to the time change, and you wake up thinking you still have an hour of sleep ahead of you.
Saw a guy finish pumping his gas, rub the nozzle on his wrists like cologne, and then sniffed them. Do with that what you will.
If you're assembling something with your spouse and you dont place bets on how many arguments you'll have, are you really even married?
Something fun to do when you're forgetful and paranoid is dry some jeans in your dryer and later on, spend 10 minutes wondering what the haunted noises are in your basement.
I love it when my dog chooses to sleep in. I get it, buddy, you had a very stressful day of napping yesterday.
Pro tip: Find someone that keeps things fun by joining you in the shower. Just make sure that "someone" isn't your dog. 😞
My healthcare provider sent me an email with a guide to aging. That's fun.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but stop having kids with Nick Cannon.
It's not even spring and I've already come across my first "countdown to Christmas" calendar. That's enough now, social media.
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