Christian
@divestify
This Whiskey tastes like I don't need any pants. IG: divestify
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You wouldn't fuck with me if you knew what I'd do for a Klondike Bar.
My daughter told me you can bite off a finger as easily as biting into a carrot...and I'm a little less frightened of letting her date.
Twitter elite has nothing to do with how good you are. It's all about how long you can hang in there. It's harder than you think...
If you don't do the Pee Wee Herman dance when Tequila comes on, then we can't be friends.
I'm as snug as a bug in a rug! Things I say when your eyes are watering as I'm looking down at you while fucking your face.
#FF @divestify stole one of Santa's elves and is keeping him hostage until Santa retweets him.
Do fat ballerinas wear threethrees?
Nobody puts baby in the corner...except me, when I'm fucking her against the wall in the shower.
If the Salvation Army guy had a sign that said "I'll stop ringing this fucking bell if you give a donation" everyone would fucking donate.
It's like no-one in this AA meeting wants to hear my amazing martini recipe?
I couldn't agree more; in fact, as I type this tweet - I find myself becoming aroused at the mere thought of grammar laden sexts. @NeonGypzy
Taking out a second mortgage... I want to take my kid to the movies.
I get more use out of this hoodie I bought in college than my actual degree
Just spilled beer down my chin but caught it with my cleavage like a goddamn lady
Just remember, I wear the boobs in this relationship
When girls text question marks ? simple question ?? impatient for a response ??? flirting/sexually leading ????????????? you're fucked
I shaved off my bush so you would stop beating around it
I'm not bi-curious I'm bi-letsfuckingdothis
![paisleyfire's profile picture. Crazy about [] Aryan Khan []](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/570261105576030208/mfHkHOl2.jpeg)
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