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[wheel of fortune] me: id like to buy a vowel pat: arent u a millenial me: [sigh] id like to rent a vowel
The commercial was advising those who think they may suffer from depression to seek a doctor’s input. The author thought the commercial was suggesting he find out if his doctor suffered from depression.
commercial: 2 out of 3 people suffer from depression. talk to ur doctor today me: [hurriedly phones doctor] hey do u suffer from depression
[opponent rapping about my mom in rap battle] me: its ok guys my parents are in an open relationship
[pilot announces crash landing] me: (grabs hand of passenger next to me) do u wanna buy insurance
u can reply "is this from a simpsons episode" to any tweet. odds are ur probably right
[high school reunion] me: u remember me skipping math class to see u ex: aww yeah me: [gets out pile of papers] now do my taxes
facebook app: white background snapchat app: white background instagram app: white background twitter app: OMG MY EYES TURN ON NIGHT MODE
[being buried alive] me: que tu cuerpo es pa darle alegria why cosa buena hitman: *throwing mud* me: dale a tu cuerpo alegria, macarena hitman: *stops throwing mud* both: hey macarena
commercial: 2 out of 3 people suffer from depression. talk to ur doctor today me: [hurriedly phones doctor] hey do u suffer from depression
me: [teary eyed] if anything ever happened to you i would kill myself her: ur kinda weird for a surgeon
the solar eclipse really damaged my eyes cos i had to switch my twitter app from day mode to night mode and then day mode again
[kidnapper asking for ransom] pay by 6 pm or i start sending u his fingers [gf trying to unlock my phone] can u start with his right thumb
a man is dying and we waste time pronouncing a five syllable word like defibrillator anyway nurse pass the defibrillator this man is dying
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