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This great tweet is ten years old. Happy birthday (belated)!
"I shot him with a small revolver I keep near my balls." #kisskissbangbang
Buck fifty for a single lemon, what kind of godless hellscape are we living in.
My son's real pissy, but not as pissy as this rest stop toilet seat. #humanrace
Sign Up For a Free Bitcoin Wallet @ Blockchain.info blockchain.info/wallet #tweet4btc #bitcoin #1Lb7eBQFMqa5J61EwrKK1hr8g6S8qjrn2y
It’s @alfredapp's birthday this week! Celebrate with 10% discount & giveaways #alfredbirthday alfredapp.com/birthday
I'm starting this now, & I don't care how long it takes: "Weird" Al Yankovic (@alyankovic) needs to play halftime. #AlBowl
Stay gold, twenty-something idiot explaining differences between $4 bottles of champagne to your obviously-stoned girlfriend at Fred Meyer.
Overheard in Sunday school: "Don't tell my brother I think he's a silly boy."
I'm eating a #popsicle in bed because I'm an #adult. All you jealous #teens just have to grow up. #iearnedthis #summer2013
42°F, Cloudy, Oregon City, Oregon, United States Here's the waether I guess.
"Where did my eyes go? Where is my face?" My wife says amazing things when I wake her up.
"I love the parts of your body that aren't dead and dry." My wife, to me, just now.
"I shot him with a small revolver I keep near my balls." #kisskissbangbang
John Travolta calling you a good actor is like your own mother calling you a good actor. #Oscars
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