Kevin Clarridge
@kevin_clarridge
Me - “What should I write here?” Wife - “I’m stupid.”
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Me - “Look at you; in your own universe.” Wife - “What? You want a gyro?”
Me - “Where do you think this was filmed?” Wife - “A green screen.”
Me - “would you still love me if I dressed like this?” (someone wearing blue denim jumpsuit w/green loafers) Wife - “yes.” Me - “i would never wear that..” Wife - “i know.”
Wife - “Yes. This is what I want to become.” [people who organize their drawers on social media]
Wife - “I lie to you when I say ‘I’m awake’ when you ask me if I’m sleeping.”
Wife - “It’s my birthday month so I can buy whatever I want.”
Wife about to head out the door - “Would you date me?” Me - “Yeah. I’d date you.”
Wife - “Don’t have anyone over. Our fridge looks like shit.”
Me - “What time do you need to get to the airport? When’s your flight?” Wife - “Like 9:50am.” Me - “Okay. I can probably drive you to the airport.” Wife - “Probably?! I thought that was a given?!”
“I love those pillows. They’re so fucking luxurious. I just don’t have any idea what to do with them.” (Pillows sitting in the corner of the room) - Wife
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