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Mary

@macmerpy

Ask me about napping opportunities in your area.

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Post-apocalypse: the "friendzone" is what we'll call the devastating wild outside the compound. There's no sex out there cause they all die


BRING BACK LEFT SHARK #SuperBowlLI


Who dressed Justin Bieber as the Six Flags guy for that #Verizon commercial #moreflagsmorefun


Mary reposted

hot dogs were invented in 1936 by Larry Hotdogs when he accidentally dropped a bag of prize-winning pig assholes in his Dick Shaper Machine


John Denver faded out as we crossed in to New Mexico. Some things just work out. #blessedinstagram.com/p/BHv1gUND-Au/


😍😍😍😍 #latergram @ Grand Lake, Colorado instagram.com/p/BHgBJbpjSMP/


Mary reposted

[finaly replacing bateries in my smoke detector] theres no way im goimg to let YOU be the most anoying thing in THIS household. tHats MY JOB


Enjoying nature as God intended: from my car, with nuggets. @ Rib Mountain State Park instagram.com/p/BGXaG6CvY74/


What kind of piano gives you goosebumps? An RL Steinway.


GATHER ROUND, CHILDREN it's joke time


Mary reposted

when i was a kid i woud do anythig to leave the dinner table early & now i woud do anythig to sit down and eat forever without ever stopping


The level of adulthood I aspire to is "waits for pizza to cool before eating" and bbs lemme tell you it is so far away


Mary reposted

ME: wat if they dont like me MOM: just be urself ME: ok! [comes home early in a masive cloud of bees] ME: WAIT DID U SAY "BEE URSELF" OR "BE


Perfect sunny afternoon yesterday feat. this bish #bellydancing @ Easy Tiger instagram.com/p/BE4NjHqPY3t/


When larisabrusky visits and you just have a lot of feelings and also your brows are on point… instagram.com/p/BEnFTBVPYza/


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