Telling someone how they should feel about their abuser or the abuse they endured is suggesting they played a role in what happened to them.
It is a dark layer of hell to be traumatized by someone you reached out to for help.
When someone forces you to prove how much their actions hurt you, they’re not actually doubting that you’re hurt. They’re looking for information on how much control they can have over you when you’re vulnerable.
Today, I’m 47. When I was four years old I had a sandbox in the corner of our backyard. My time in that box is the most secure childhood memories I have. There was enough shade to give me respite from the deep south’s sun and enough distance to feel seperate from everyone.…
You’ll see an introvert appear extroverted when you show genuine interest about their inner world.
Sometimes we call it anxiety when we need to call it intuition because the body’s alarms are spot on about the inauthenticity and bad motives nearby.
Imagine the healing that would take place if people asked questions about other peoples hardships rather than telling them what to do about them.
People who’ve played a role in what you’ve had to heal from will say “You’ve changed” in the hopes you feel uncertain, but what they mean is “You’ve healed” and your clarity scares them.
When you tell a trauma survivor their abuser did the best they could, you not only minimize the pain they’re walking through, but you crush their hope that things could have and should have been different for them.
We underestimate how many people are showing up offering more than they have because they’ve never felt like they’re enough. If that’s you, I hope you reassess your relationship with the world around you, but more importantly, any part of you who needs less self-doubt & more rest
When someone hears your greatest heartbreak, and then insists you must forgive who hurt you, you can bet their idea of forgiveness is something that’s going to cause you a lot more harm than healing.
You being “too much” for others will often be a reflection of your ability to speak up about injustice, be vulnerable about the unknown, be honest about hardship and be unapologetic in having questions. Your too muchness is what’s needed for change. Carry on, my friend. Carry on.
There’s nothing quite like the freedom a survivor feels when they finally understand they were never responsible for the trauma they endured. Nothing will ever be the same after this, but this time that works in their favor.
Just a reminder that anxiety, depression, grief doesn’t break for holidays. Many will be around people who’ve caused great pain. Their minds & bodies will feel that again. Many will be alone because remembering is too much. Please honor what brings peace & make peace your goal.
The moment abuse occurs, everything changes for the survivor. Touch becomes complex. Sudden movement creates threat. Shame pushes them to question their role in the pain. This is not weakness. This is survival in real time and it deserves compassion and understanding.
Sibling abuse is difficult to name or recover from when the parents support the abuser.
Other peoples relationship with their family members is none of your business.
Peace and compassion to those who are estranged. Holidays create a tension that makes it hard to catch your breath. Please know there’s a lot of hurting people (like you) who are trying to figure this out while also navigating the vulnerability in it. I’m glad you’re here!
When you have things taken from you as an innocent child, as an adult you will have a hard time knowing what is offering too much to people who don't deserve it. There is a backstory to those who overextend themselves...
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