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I earned the Remote Controller badge on @sidereel sidereel.com/profile/cnells…
Check your Facebook PMs, dudes. RE: your day off tomorrow. Deuces, great show!
when someone says 'i'm a dog person,' i always say 'i'm a lizard person' and then i peel off my face
Starting an airDnB. Im not much of a DJ, but I can poach the hell out of an egg.
2 employees at the water cooler "shh the boss is coming" "baby we were born to run...these files down to the HR department stat."
every time you use a 12-cup Mr. coffee machine, a barista loses their beanie. be careful
my HS bully was an introvert & I must say, swirlies take forever when he's in the next stall over getting used to the energy of the bathroom
Just watched a crazy ep of Crossing Over w/ John Edwards. Dude just helped find three socks and an old remote. But SURE, he's faking it.
tossed a bank receipt into a trash can with my non-dominant hand while walking. Then thought 'I'm so money' and it undid the entire feat.
I've had to remind myself numerous times today that Asa Butterfield is the new Spider-Man, not a cool new syrup brand I want to try.
Sensible dad: I'd like to buy 3 'fleeks' & 7 'swags' for my son. "Sir this is Urban Outfitters" Do you have any 'baes'? "Please leave"
And it seems to me you lived your life / Howie Mandel for the win - Candle in the Wind 2017 rewrite in memory of Howie Mandel
I'm not saying I'm a comedy guru. What I'm saying is this song is about taking & putting loads on other people. come on, THINK ABOUT IT.
It's not always easy being a millennial. Sometimes you have to choose which Shonda Rhimes show to talk about. *sips from carafe of espresso*
last night's 11pm coffee is an official Top 3 Cool Life Decision, joining 'buying a sega dreamcast' and 'trying out for 12th grade baseball'
paused madden to check controls, fuckin clippy showed up "looks like you're having trouble with the hit stick, would you like some help?"
From the Twitter drafts: "Freaky Friday but with dogs" Cool, see you all later.
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