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This morning I sent a cheery “Happy Thanksgiving, team!” message in Slack. An hour passed with no reactions. Another hour, still nothing. Not a thumbs-up. Not a turkey. Nothing. I tried pinging a few people individually. Each one auto-replied with “Notifications off.” I…
giving the bartender my phone to close out with Apple Pay and my wallpaper is a collage of him behind the bar that same night
Use pin pad to complete transaction
people are always like “i really like those jeans you’ve been wearing”. well guess what mother fucker. thank u
criminy jim jam😱! you messed up my dolla….rama
It's really great writing to be able to put so many fake out jokes back to back and still have them all land
The thing about Musk is that he doesn’t have a single observation that he didn’t steal from an even dumber guy
Rogan, talking about Zohran Mamdani: "What else has he done that makes him a swindler?" Musk: " Um, well, I, I guess if you say, uh, what I mean, if you, if say, if you say..."
got reminded of one of my most fav tweet on the internet
listening to duster and realizing that the ~good ol days~ were 2017-2018. that is dark
hahahahahahahaha
Fuck you @CurtisSliwa I HATE YOU, your dumb wife, that stupid Beret of yours and all your fucking cats!
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