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the masculine urge to sit on the toilet and disassociate for 45 minutes
at aldi exclusively buying cheese with my roommate who exclusively buys candy
eating individual pieces of lettuce with dressing squirted on each one, while sitting in front of ur open fridge, counts as a salad #depressionmeals
why do i feel like shit? i say to myself as i open my trash can and see two empty packs of cigarettes, cheetos, and gushers. hmm….
me at the starbucks drive thru: can i please have a straw, i hate turtles
me at the grocery store, stoned: i’m not sorry i eat like a toddler, i’m an ADULT.
my previous roommate who is the cringiest larping leftist i’ve ever met ordered a bunch of books about communism off of amazon dot come, and then tweeted about it. so i’m tweeting about it now. thanks for the books, rube
easter candy is hollow because it echos christianity’s empty promises of salvation and eternal life
a fool’s dream ✨🧡✨
One big Wisconsin Cheese Curd under a lightly buttered, toasted bun. Isn’t it beautiful?
my parents wanted me to have a PhD but instead i have MDD, GAD, and IBS.
“could a depressed person do THIS?” i say to an empty room, as i simply fit together two edge pieces of a puzzle
has pete buttigieg ridden a bus before
no more business majors, society has moved past the need for business majors
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