no i don’t want to jump on a call i want to jump off a building
Hillary Clinton moments after Trump was convicted: “Anything going on today?”
Has one syllable ever carried so much emotion?
Sorry I’m late boss I had to take 500 pictures and videos of my adorable senior dog snoozing in perfect morning sunshine
What’s the name of that feeling when you feel completely fine but also if you drop a piece of candy you were just about to eat that’s enough to make you ugly cry about all the bad shit from the last four years…. But like all at once?
I realize this guy sucks and we shouldn't lionize people even if they are funny but you have to admit this is unfortunately the sickest fucking photo a person can have taken of them
If you are not offering at least 30% off during our sacred sale week, kindly get the fuck out of my inbox.
I know this is sweet and innocent but I can’t stop laughing at the idea of a muppet going to war.
Thank you to all the veterans who served our country, just like my papi. Papi you are my hero. I love you. You are the best. #VeteransDay 🇺🇸
Buried the lede! “I’ve had two ladies order six dozen [oysters] each,” she says. “That’s not even the cherry on top — they were drinking white Russians.” 🤯
I called up the general manager at Fontaine's down in Atlanta to chat about the woman who ate 48 oysters on a date for a viral TikTok. She says it's not even close to the most oysters she's seen a customer take down in a sitting: rollingstone.com/culture/cultur…
Things will be fine, eventually, in thousands of years, for rocks
I’m 3000 miles from MD at a hotel bar in park city, UT. Start talking to strangers sitting next to us and she went to my high school?!?! @hcpss_hahs #goldenbearseverywhere #smallworld #hocorepresent
Receiving word about burning man from random twitter users like I'm listening to the war of the worlds broadcast in 1938
🧵We applaud @samhsagov as the 1st federal agency to release a “Harm Reduction Framework” w/ requests for feedback, & call on SAMHSA to make necessary changes to save lives. Read our full comments: bit.ly/SAMHSAHRframew…
Its ok if you have been lazy bc it is very hot outside. Hot makes sleepy. And you’re just a person. So you’re gonna be sleepy. It’s not bc you’re bad…. You’re good. And pretty
Same
i appreciate elon renaming the app after me but this is honestly overwhelming
Do my Maryland people remember when this came out? It was kind of spoiled for us- we knew a story like this happening locally would have made the news prior to the movie/marketing. Still scared me tho!
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