Watching #NASCAR is like watching morning TV traffic. We all do it and you get a paycheck for driving like a d***. #jimmyfallon gets it
#SharkWeek this year is like masturbating with a prosthetic hand... It's so fake you give up, roll over, and go to bed. #SubmarineShark
Don't ask a stoner to take an important photo. Especially when the request makes him nervous @DougBenson@grahamelwood
After much heartache (and possibly more) this is the reason my wife can't watch TV. pioneerusa this… instagram.com/p/lwSGqflRTN/
Once again, R2 and the crew have my back while I waste time being a nerd. #nerd#starwars#dinosaurs instagram.com/p/cfsSQcFRed/
This will be my first #mio ever. I do like they place this in the nutrition facts for honesty...… instagram.com/p/biEV_1FRft/
Propane grill glowing like Hell! If my beliefs end up incorrect I still endure in a place where I can… instagram.com/p/aAA0KglRbl/
Penn is my hero and what I call a "catalyst" for a new skeptic. And my wife still loves @mrteller. @PennJillette is my #CelebApprenticeMVP.
I didn't like my lack luster real 'stache, so I made one. #mustache #manly instagram.com/p/ZJXEeilRfo/
Remember, for safest passage always carry your dog in an enclosure. #trunkdog #roadtrip #windinmyhair instagram.com/p/ZCYIfdlRfu/
Kudos to anybody that can interpret this measurement. #math #calculator instagram.com/p/Y_Mx89lRUX/
West Coast. You watching? Watch Celebrity Apprentice and retweet this to vote me #CelebApprenticeMVP and win $$ for @oppvillageLV. Thanks!!
Success! iPhone autocorrects "yolo" to "tool". #somefaithinhumanityhasbeenrestored
You're doing it wrong!!! #stupiddinosaurs instagram.com/p/YolZJZlRYG/
My iPhone autocorrects "I'm poor" to, "1st world problems". #firstworldproblems
Overheard a girl ask her friend, "Is Will.i.am Kris Humphrey's dad"? Almost died laughing #maybeshewasblind
A friend of mine offered her shipping customer an Enema... Last I checked that service isn't common place in logistics. #AWKWARD
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