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Just you wait. In 10-20 years, you'll start noticing a bunch of kids named Tariff.
My advice is to choose a charming hobby that no one can hold against you.
the local market in my village has seagull flavored gum.
Looking at office chairs online like, why do so many of these brag they'll hold 500lbs right off the bat? It's for one person right? Maybe I forgot how chairs work.
He had eyes the color of dill pickle water and the education to know that's brine.
Flag football in the 2028 Olympic Games? A hot dog eating contest can not be far behind.
What happens is you start to think of your body as so much non-arable land.
93% of all road rage incidents have been quashed by an offering of a handful of Chicken in a Biscuit - Original Baked Snack Crackers and a few slices of smoked gouda.
Go ahead. Ridicule our backward little town. We're thankful it has nothing for you.
Laser tag makes me realize how quickly I will die in the laser wars
Nothing matters. Going to start calling things "rad" again.
The newspaper man asked what I do for a living and I said “fool the public” and he just wrote it down.
There are too many words in books. Vote for me & I’ll limit books to <281 characters
Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Put them in 12 separate containers, all carefully painted to represent each egg's astrological sign.
I'm getting a new walking stick. I will name it Atonement.
How is judging bull riding in the rodeo fair if everybody rides a different bull?
Remember when people would get angry if you engaged with their tweets?
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