TM Bishop
@TMBishop
comedian, tv-person, bucket, weetbix, nana, salmon… wait, what does bio mean?
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I sat next to Morgan Freeman on the subway! He was taller, more stoned & more jerking off in a paper bag than I imagined he'd be.
We're all gonna feel like dicks when we find out the #BuckinghamPalace emergency meeting was just because the Queen can't find her slippers
This is like when I pretended I forgot my ex's new gf's name and called her "Big Fat Slut" instead buzzfeed.com/bradesposito/m…
buzzfeed.com
This White House Rep Called Malcolm Turnbull “Prime Minister Trumble” Twice
When will the global owning stop.
Trump is fighting w Australia and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Dude, The Terminator AND Crocodile Dundee? You're really not thinking this through.
Trump thinks his call with Russia was better than with Australia. I'm surprised he could talk to Putin at all with Putin's cock in his mouth
Good morning, Twitter! What terrible crimes against humanity did Trump get up to while we slept?
Today's To Do List: a) watch Trump's speech b) build a bunker; and c) stop worrying about my diet because we're all gonna be dead soon
Possible replacements for John Key Richie McCaw The Briscoes Lady TK from Shortland St The cold sausage in my fridge Harry Potter's scar
I clean my butt with a toothbrush. Oh no my friends hacked my twitter! jk I don't have any friends.
I can't wait to see what @LastWeekTonight does with this clusterfuck
Has anyone tried telling Donald Trump that not everyone wants to move to his shitty country?
HE TOUCHED ME! HOT DOCTOR TOUCHED ME! I'm never going to wash again #HotDoctor
Hot Doctor: I'm just going to whip off- Me: *please say your shirt please say your shirt* HD: -a quick blood test. Me: *sigh* #HotDoctor
I want to have Hot Doctor's brother's babies. Because Hot Doctor is way out of my league #HotDoctor
Hot Doctor's undies are blue. Blue is my favourite colour. In hospital culture that's code for let's hook up in the medicine room #HotDoctor
It's like Leo Di Caprio & Jennifer Lawrence had a baby & it crawled back into the womb coz it would never be as hot as this dr #HotDoctor
The world's hottest doctor is on the ward today. He's so hot, volcanic lava is like "this dude is hot". #HotDoctor
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