CrystalUnfiltered
@UnfilteredHumor
just a random chick sharing random thoughts, jokes, humor, sarcasm, and memes... Comedian based in Nashville, TN
You might like
Please keep my family in your thoughts. We found out that my grandpa is addicted to Viagra, and my grandma has been taking it hard.😬 #jokes #viagra #humor
It's sad when the "fight of the night" wasn't the main event 😒 #natevsjake #JakevsNate #tysonvsjones #TysonJones
Agreed and it's more expensive than Turkey...sooo fuck that..
Me: "What should I bring to Thanksgiving dinner?" Mom: "Coke" Me: "ummm the soda or the powder?" Mom: "the soda..if you bring drugs to my house I will beat your ass" 🤬 Me: "Mom, you haven't changed a bit since I was a teen" 🤣😯 #momlife #ImDefinitelytheFavorite #southernwords
Watching a loved one who is physically and mentally deteriorating from cancer showing anger, frustration, hopelessness and defeat every time they feel pain or loses the ability to perform daily functions they once had...is by far one of the hardest things I've done in life. 😥💔
Life is like a Tank. I don't know how to operate a tank, but I can still manage to fuck shit up... 😎🤸♀️ #life #yolo #tanksgiving #quotesaboutlife #humor
4 day weekends mean opportunity for plenty of bad choices... make it worth the bail!! #yolo #weekendvibes #Shenanigans #Thanksgiving2020
If your ex ever texts you saying "I miss you," just respond with "Well duh..." #relationships #RelationshipAdvice #breakups #exesandohs
If you have warrants, your partner needs warrants too. That way nobody will call the police when they get mad. #humor #jokes #wanted #RelationshipAdvice
Me: Should I do it? My friends: No Everyone: No Universe: No Me: Fuck it ima do it
Turkeys: 🙄🙄😒
Americans: This may be our toughest thanksgiving yet. Native Americans: 🙄
I deleted my ex, definitely ain't that stupid muthafucker!!
2 words FUCKING GANGSTER – I fully support @DaveChappelle check out his latest IGTV post and together we should #boycottChappelleshow. Link below instagram.com/tv/CH-rR9znT3g…
My dog either loves my singing or hates it, I'm not sure yet 🤔 Every time I sing she spears me and licks my face 😊 Like.... She's either thinking.. "I LOVE YOUR VOICE!" 🥰 Or "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" 🤬 #puppylove #humor #doglovers
Coworkers: "Do you want to help us put the office Christmas Tree up?" Me: "No, thank you." Coworkers: "Why?" Me: "My holiday bonus wasn't enough to make me that festive." #Christmas2020 #work #coworkers #humor #jokes
"Your height is 5'8" and a quarter" Patient: "a quarter...like that matters!" Me: "The nation has a coin shortage, you should invest in that quarter!" Patient: 🤣🤣 #nurselife #humor #jokes
Me: *checks bank account* Bank account: "Hahahahahaha... You're funny!!!" Me: "At least someone agrees with that...." 🤦♀️🤷♀️ #humor #sarcasm #jokes #morningjokes
Imagine if you had morning wood too..... #itsgoodtobeawomansometimes
Nothing predicts your day better than a hot cup of coffee in your hand and a sudden sneeze
United States Trends
- 1. Jokic 26.8K posts
- 2. Lakers 53.3K posts
- 3. #River 5,415 posts
- 4. #AEWDynamite 50.8K posts
- 5. Nemec 3,410 posts
- 6. Clippers 14.8K posts
- 7. #ReasonableDoubtHulu N/A
- 8. Shai 16.6K posts
- 9. Thunder 41.6K posts
- 10. #NIKKE3rdAnnivBattleReport 9,265 posts
- 11. #NJDevils 3,133 posts
- 12. Ty Lue 1,213 posts
- 13. Mikey 73.5K posts
- 14. Nemo 8,823 posts
- 15. Markstrom 1,281 posts
- 16. Rory 8,277 posts
- 17. Joker 27.4K posts
- 18. Steph 30.9K posts
- 19. Valve 59.8K posts
- 20. Spencer Knight N/A
Something went wrong.
Something went wrong.