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just remembered i have twitter. so thought I'd let you all know that I listened to Meatloaf's "Paradise By the Dashboard Light" like 70 times today.
I’ve been working on my mental health. So now when I have intrusive thoughts I just say “girl, rude” out loud and hope my brain learned her lesson.
just when I thought I’ve met everyone, I meet someone else. this human thing is exhausting.
if i had to choose a rapper name it would be Sharti B for exactly the reason you think
i wonder if this man’s parents knew his profession would be bus driver when they named him Norbert.
hearing @nickkroll talk about the multiple times he has shit his pants as a grown man makes me feel so much better about the one time I explosively soiled my jeans as an adult lady person.
all the people who found out they’re gay during quarantine because of TikTok are now triggered by the intro of Shania Twain’s “Man! I Feel Like a Woman”
I’m not sure I’ll ever understand the pink accented camouflage people.
if my funeral isn’t sponsored by @sheetz i’m going to haunt the ever loving shitz out of the lot of ya
if Mother Teresa launched a sunglasses line, they’d be called Pray-Bans. 🙏🏽
i don’t like it when my dog licks his paws and makes direct eye contact with me. it feels deeply personal.
hot people make me anxious. that’s why i got rid of all the mirrors in my house.
i like to assert dominance by being the gayest person in the Republican Club
If they gave out awards for spending money you don’t have, I’d have all of the awards. And I will have paid for them.
update: other shoe dropped. into a pile of dog shit on my living room floor. so I’ll be in bed for the rest of the day thanks.
everything seems to be going suspiciously well in my life right now so I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop
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