MySQL Borat
@mysqlborat
My name Borat. I like MySQL. Is very nice.
DBA team very busy handling explosion of data. It took out 5 racks and put 3 meter hole in ceiling.
Today's guest tweet is datanami.com/2015/09/03/fiv… ... Oh wait, he's serious? Never mind.
Knock knock. Who's there? Character set mismatch. �^N^W^@<BB>�=� ⌘?
Alien: why should I not blow up this planet? Human: we are an advanced species A: how do you travel? H: we light old dinosaurs on fire
Eventually consistent was too hard, so we went with immediately inaccurate.
A MySQL slave walks into a bar. 29546 seconds later it orders a drink.
If DBA was news anchor: "Has your database crashed? Tune in tonight to find out."
#MySQL is not opinionated database. But all your opinion about it are still wrong.
I hope Buddhist is right so I can be reborn for use all the great "next generation" products.
Currently considering leaving this wreckage and just starting a new company and poaching our own customers.
When InnoDB buffer pool is cold #MySQL performance is experience shrinkage.
MyISAM is recumbent bicycle of MySQL. Is no way to use it without looking silly.
Yes "MySQL slave" is politically incorrect. We prefer to be called "database administrator".
To tell boss what is happen with #MySQL an adjective is suffice: suddenly, mysteriously=it broke; difficult, time-consuming=we fix it.
I use query cash for make developers think about performance. Bad index: $100. No index: $500. Full join: 1 paycheck.
Last night my mate asked to use a USB port to charge his cigarette, but I was using it to charge my book. The future is stupid.
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary, I accidentally drop the production db. Quoth sysadmin "No backup to restore."
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