DouglasWFail
@DouglasWFail
I am a co-writer and performer on RadioLARP. My favorite hobby is existence. I am an unlicensed emotional therapist. https://www.facebook.com/DouglasWFail
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youth pastor: hey ladies youth pastor: *sits in chair backwards* youth pastor: you know who else had His choice to decide taken away from Him by the government?
Boomers just now realizing everyone is making fun of them is the boomerest thing I can imagine.
I sold my soul to the devil in exchange for infinite souls. Checkmate, Satan! 😈 👻
I‘m worried everyone will discover I don’t really suffer from Imposter Syndrome
Scientists: We've cured cancer! Conservatives: Not fair. What about everyone else that died from cancer? *pours cure for cancer down the drain*
Just tried to call someone using the calculator of my phone. Nbd.
We say white meat and dark meat instead of “breast” and “thigh” but “pork loin” gets a free pass??? 🤔
Finally defrosted my freezer and found secret ice cream! So glad I accidentally left the freezer door open.
Literally the only reason I update to the latest iOS is for new emojis.
If you truly want to show your support for Trump, write his name in for every race in your ballot. #endthebluewave #trumpforeveryoffice #wrtiteintrump #maga 🌊🚫 🗳 ✏️ 📝
Outpatient care - You don't have to go home but you can't heal here.
“That was a *fantastic* check in. Seriously.” “Thank you.” “Seriously. I wish I could rate ratings because - five fucking stars, my man.” - Early 21st century flirting.
Your @Instacart order has been received. You can still add or edit items. j/k! You can’t! If you try, we’ll start a new order for you 😂 😂
For the first time in my life, said “no” to the 5th glass of wine my brain insists I drink at 3am. 🚫🍷 🧠
I guess it depends on what your definition of “wouldn’t” is.
If your streaming service doesn’t let you reset a show you’ve already watched into its original pristine unwatched state, it is a streaming service for single people.
If your last words aren’t “avenge me” what were you even doing with your life?
It makes sense to have @OliverNorthFNC as the president of the @NRA. He's an expert on getting guns to people who shouldn't have them.
United States Trends
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- 5. Chris Paul N/A
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- 8. Luka N/A
- 9. Overwatch N/A
- 10. Rangers N/A
- 11. Trae N/A
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- 13. Washington Post N/A
- 14. WaPo N/A
- 15. Coby N/A
- 16. Bezos N/A
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- 18. Khris Middleton N/A
- 19. Kyrie N/A
- 20. Grimes N/A
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