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I wrote some helpful nutrition advice
"Of course you can still eat other things you enjoy like fruits, pastas, and even brownies. As long as those fruits, pastas, and brownies are made from a slurry of broken-down animal parts and molded into the shapes of those respective foods." mcsweeneys.net/articles/you-d…
The haters said I'd never post another stranger's diary video but youtu.be/qu69KO-lOeg
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Real Life Advice From Victorian Teens
Is it bad that the guy making my chipotle called me a "trooper" because of my order?
I have a very particular set of skills. (Seeing food spilled on the sidewalk and knowing with 100% certainty when it's Chipotle)
I love being in a loud restaurant with bad acoustics because you can say "yum yum yum" out loud and no one will hear you.
I just saw a woman walking down the street with green hair and a black and white striped shirt. Was she going for Beetlejuice or did she have no idea? It kills me that I will never know.
I help my community all the time. I hit one spotted lantern fly with my car.
After a day at the beach I expect to look like a sexy, windswept swimsuit model but I just look like someone who went through a difficult experience.
The Seine? Ohhhhh you mean Poop River.
Unsafe levels of E. coli found in Paris' Seine River less than 2 months before Olympics apnews.com/article/paris-…
Today I heard a gen Z say "like studio 54 in the 80s" and it was a stark reminder that younger generations weren't forced to get a cultural education from VH1 at 11 years old.
"Let’s get down to the facts. Four out of five doctors think that you’re repulsive." mcsweeneys.net/articles/intro…
I know you were all waiting for my take on whole body deodorant. mcsweeneys.net/articles/intro…
Is the dress rehearsal for my adult ballet recital the right place to start eating a chicken enchilada burrito from Taco Bell
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